The Rise of Women Is Not the Fall of Men
Hey, Medium, it has been a minute. Before this month comes to a close, I wanted to write about something that is hard to talk about but necessary. April is sexual assault awareness month. Before I continue, I would formally like to pose a Trigger Warning for anyone who is sensitive to this topic.
If this topic hits close to home, I am so deeply sorry that you or someone you know has had to endure this horror. I first want to say that if this applies to you, I stand with you, on the other side of the screen, wherever you may be reading this from, I believe you and I believe in you.
Sexual Assault Awareness Month
According to RAINN the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1–800–656–4673), 1 in 6 women in the United States has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime and 1 in 33 men. That doesn’t include other sexual assaults.
To put that into perspective, your female relatives or friends, at least 1 out of 6 of them, have been victims of rape. If you know six women, you know someone who has been assaulted, whether you know it or not. This is a despicable fact.
Most people who fall victim to these abhorrent acts do not come forward, and many, on the other side, tend to victim blame. Now, what does it mean to victim blame? Victim blaming is any response that explicitly states or implies that the victim is to blame for the abuse they have experienced. Often, when the abused do not expose their abusers, they are deemed “weak,” “selfish,” and “liars” and are told that it is their fault for what happened to them, maybe because of what they wore, what they said, what they drank, how they acted, etc. This is disgusting. The only person to blame for the actions of a rapist is the rapist themselves. Victim blaming, in fact, is one of the very reasons that most do not come forward because they are afraid that they will not be believed. They are terrified that they will be blamed for what someone did to them. Many victims are even worried that they will get into trouble because they spoke out.
This is tragic because women and men who have experienced this should not live in fear of coming forward, seeking help, and getting justice (as much as one can get after enduring sexual assault).
All Women
Sometimes, when women, in particular, speak out about this, they get attacked because most men are quick to get defensive. Why? Why are you getting so defensive that women are afraid to walk alone, even during the day, or go into their homes if no one else is there? Why do you get defensive when women talk about the bad men that they have encountered? Why?
I am fully aware that it is not all men, and I will not say “all men” because I will not blame the good men for the actions of the bad. I think many women would agree with me that it is not all men. However, I do ask you to consider the more important fact of that situation, that it is not all men, but it is ALL women. I can guarantee that every woman in your life (or you, yourself) has been a victim of sexual abuse/assault/harassment, etc.
Again, I say, if this is you, I stand with you. If this is not you, I encourage you to stand with those who it is, and I encourage you to reflect on those you surround yourself with. Who in your life has been there? Who in your life is currently there? How can you prevent those who have not yet experienced it, from ever experiencing it?
Experiences
We have all had experiences with this. Each one is just as terrifying as the last. Whether it be a catcall or being groped, they are all moments in which we fear for our safety and sometimes our lives.
This last month, I had a wonderful experience at Coachella with my mom and sister. We spent the day singing and dancing and spent months getting our outfits prepared. A man had made obscene gestures as he walked past me with his friend, laughing and filming my chest.
The worst part? I felt embarrassed. I felt ashamed because I thought, “Maybe I look like a slut.” And I fell once again into the trap that many of us do when this occurs. We victim blame ourselves. I find victim blaming to be so contradictory because if a girl had come up to me and told me a man did this to her, I would be so angered by that man for making a girl feel like she needs to do better when, in reality, he needs to control himself. I would never victim blame another human for the perpetrator’s actions, so why do I victim blame myself?
I did not let this affect me indefinitely, and I did have a wonderful time, but this encounter angered me, and I felt sick to my stomach that I couldn’t even go to a music festival without a man, making me feel uncomfortable for his indecent actions.
If you have ever been on the other end of this and you have seen your friend or you yourself have treated someone this way, you need to do better. You need to hold your friends and yourself accountable for your actions. I understand that this can be hard, but accountability is so important. Holding people accountable who talk or treat others badly, whether physically or mentally, even if they are your friends or an important person to you, is how you prevent the bad from expanding.
There is a video online of a comedian named Daniel Sloss. In his 2019 show “Daniel Sloss: X,” Sloss mentions how the only way to try to prevent these horrible events from taking place is by involving men, educating men, and talking about it with men. He makes it blatant in his speech that he is not accusing anyone, that he is not accusing men as a whole or women as a whole, but rather he is speaking about personal experience. Sloss continues with a story about a man he knew for eight years who ended up being an abuser, and what Sloss gets to saying is that “there are monsters amongst us, and they look like us.” In order to change the narrative, you have to get involved; you have to be aware of what is going on around you and what is going on around those you love. In order to stop this from happening, you have to speak up against it because your silence is useless to those that sexual assault has affected. Fight for those who have been assaulted, respect and protect those who have been, and let’s put a stop to this. Sloss says, “I know that most men are good…But when one in ten men are shit, and the other nine do nothing, they might as well not fucking be there.” Stop waiting to be the hero and end the rapist, but actively get involved and do your best to prevent one.
How We Can Help
We can start by believing those who speak out. We can start by understanding the wants and needs of the survivor and trying to do better as a society to protect and guide one another. We can listen, hold each other accountable, end victim blaming, and simply do better.
Enough with the victim blaming. Enough with the doubt. Enough with the bad humans who commit bad acts. Enough is enough.
To whoever reads this and has been through it, I want to let you know that you are not alone. Your assault is valid.
Even if
- It happened a long time ago
- You were a child
- You were drunk
- You did not report it
- You were manipulated or forced into saying “yes.”
- No one believed you
- You were called a liar
Your sexual assault is valid. I stand with you. I hear you, and I will fight for you.
The Rise of Women is Not the Fall of Men.
Women using their voices and getting loud and shouting about the terrors of sexual assault is something to be proud of because there are women who are advocating for not just themselves but for those who have not been believed, who are afraid, who don’t know they are victims, etc. The women who advocate on behalf of not just the women but also the men, are fighting daily to change the narrative, which is something we all need to be doing in our daily lives.
The rise of women is not the fall of men and that’s what more men need to understand, but more women also need to understand.
What I mean when I say this is women standing up for themselves and demanding respect, acceptance, and safety, the basic human necessities, is not women asking for too much. Demanding to be treated with respect and decency is not too much to ask for. Women are finally being seen as more than just property; they are doing everything in their power to escape the societal double standard between men and women, and they are not asking for too much in doing so.
Women finding their voice, finding their power, and being equal to men is not the end of the world. We, as women, are not fighting to surpass men and be better than men; no, we are fighting to be equal and to be a part of the conversation, the solution. The women who think that the battle is to be recognized as more important than men need a reality check, and the men who think that the rise of women is the fall of men need a wake-up call because the truth is that we are equal and we all deserve love and respect and acceptance and safety and a voice. So I will say one more time: the rise of women is not the fall of men.
