You know how you’re always saying, “I wish I could play Tetris on an unwieldy plastic Slurpee cup that doesn’t actually function as a drinking vessel,” and we’re all like, “Shut up, Steve”? Well now you can have the last laugh, because thanks to a team-up between Tetris and 7-Eleven, your dream has come true.
The improbable pairing between corporate entities Tetris Holding and Seven & I Holdings has spawned not just a line of clothing allowing you to express your love for the two disparate companies at the same time, but an unholy plastic...thing on which you can play Tetris on the tiniest possible screen.
Read More: This Nugget-Shaped Tetris Handheld From McDonald’s Is Real And Playable
Tetris, a game that’s already pre-installed on nineteen devices you own, including your doorbell, can be played on the $30 non-functional cup that quite incredibly has a screen significantly smaller than that of the original Game Boy. However, the 1.8" display is FULL COLOR, so this is game-changing stuff.
Now, if you’re a customer of 7-Eleven, you might be wondering how the company sees you as a demographic. And if you were suspecting it was, “Drunk and confused, having missed the last bus,” you’d be wrong. “We know our customers are passionate gaming enthusiasts who also appreciate a healthy dose of nostalgia,” said the company’s executive vice president and chief marketing & sustainability officer, Marissa Jarratt. It’s an absolutely astonishing coincidence that these remarkably specific characteristics of the convenience chain’s customer base so perfectly matches those who might want to enjoy playing a classic video game on some non-biodegradable tat.
Tetris will be 40 next year, and as such is a prime example of the, um, spirit of innovation? I mean, that’s what the CEO of Tetris (a wonderful job title), Maya Rogers, said in a press release. “As we mark the milestone 40th anniversary of Tetris, we are excited to announce our partnership with 7-Eleven, another iconic brand beloved across generations,” she said, like a person. “This collaboration celebrates our spirit of innovation and delivers fans with a new, fun way to experience Tetris.”
Oh, OK! Being four decades old and on a cup you can’t drink out of sure speaks to me of imaginative advancements! Perhaps its existence will inspire a whole generation to also put old games on inherently useless objects? We can only hope.
Look, I’ve been unfair. I’ve totally buried the lede here. Because—to quote the store page—“This portable Slurpee® + TETRIS® Handheld Game Device also comes equipped with an on/off switch to illuminate the Slurpee dollop in a rainbow of colors.” Steve, your day has come.
In other news, our sun will begin to die in just 5 billion years.
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